What is "taking responsibility"? Convicted criminals are supposed to take responsibility for their crimes. Teenagers are told to take responsibility for pets, homework, chores and other things. Taking responsibility is pledging to provide a response to something. "It's my responsibility" is also, "I take the credit when it succeeds, and the blame when it fails."
Taking responsibility is a sober thing. We do tend to go off in compulsivity around giving blame and taking credit. A spiritually healthy person doesn't need to blame or take credit to prop up a self-image. Taking responsibility, properly speaking, has nothing to do with giving blame and taking credit. Taking responsibility involves two steps. 1.) Acknowledge that something is true or exists. 2.) Provide a response (if needed).
Showing posts with label "tools for living". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "tools for living". Show all posts
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Don't Hold Your Breath
I just thought of something I have been trying to phrase pithily. It has to do with my feeling that much of the time I am ruled by fear. That state degrades my ability to deal with the current moment in a rational way. It demoralizes me, and just plain feels bad.
Holding your breath is an unconscious reaction to fear. The protective instinct of fear is to become as quiet as possible, so as not to give away one's location. How many times in your life has becoming quiet actually helped you evade something you feared? How many times, on the other hand, has a clear, calm mind helped to succeed in doing something? Which leads me to pithiness.
Don't hold your breath. You need plenty of oxygen for your brain to work properly.
Notice when you are holding your breath, and make use of the awareness that fear is affecting you. Practice letting go of instinctive fear, so that the appropriate parts of your brain-mind will be freed up to deal with the situation. I'm not saying to deny that you are afraid of something, but rather, make an intention not to operate unconsciously in fear. Express the fear in words, and let the rational knowledge of the specific fearful thought affect the rational evaluation of what needs to be done.
I can say from experience that this is easier to understand intellectually, than to do.
For example, imagine you are driving to work, and thinking about various things that are happening at work. You think about what you need to do when you get there. Something that might turn out badly occurs to you, and you are now driving down the road holding your breath. You might not hold it completely, as you would underwater, but you don't take breaths that are as deep (and loud) as you would if you were relaxed.
Every time you think of something negative, check your breathing. Take a deep breath. Yawning out loud is another good thing to do, if you are alone, or in a relaxed setting.
Holding your breath is an unconscious reaction to fear. The protective instinct of fear is to become as quiet as possible, so as not to give away one's location. How many times in your life has becoming quiet actually helped you evade something you feared? How many times, on the other hand, has a clear, calm mind helped to succeed in doing something? Which leads me to pithiness.
Don't hold your breath. You need plenty of oxygen for your brain to work properly.
Notice when you are holding your breath, and make use of the awareness that fear is affecting you. Practice letting go of instinctive fear, so that the appropriate parts of your brain-mind will be freed up to deal with the situation. I'm not saying to deny that you are afraid of something, but rather, make an intention not to operate unconsciously in fear. Express the fear in words, and let the rational knowledge of the specific fearful thought affect the rational evaluation of what needs to be done.
I can say from experience that this is easier to understand intellectually, than to do.
For example, imagine you are driving to work, and thinking about various things that are happening at work. You think about what you need to do when you get there. Something that might turn out badly occurs to you, and you are now driving down the road holding your breath. You might not hold it completely, as you would underwater, but you don't take breaths that are as deep (and loud) as you would if you were relaxed.
Every time you think of something negative, check your breathing. Take a deep breath. Yawning out loud is another good thing to do, if you are alone, or in a relaxed setting.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tell Me How It Was
This will be the first of my postings that are tagged "tools for living".
If you suspect someone is lying, you can ask them, with loving interest, to "tell me how that was" for them. Tell more details, and how it made them feel. One should only ask this question when NOT fully convinced the person is lying, and only if the reason you are asking is a kind one. It is a well-worn technique for finding out the truth, but done in kindness, it is a gift to the lie-teller. When it is done in true loving kindness, the untruth might be undone.
I don't want to use that term, "lie-teller" any more. I will substitute "Untruth-teller". A person doesn't always know when they are telling an untruth. And, the deepest part of every person never lies - it can't. If you pay attention to the deepest part of yourself and others, you will see only the truth about people.
In our as-currently-constructed everyday world, though, sometimes people believe they are lying. They try to lie. If you ask them for their own emotional reactions to the story they are telling, they are likely to be come aware of that intention. Some truth or other is likely to become apparent to both of you.
Warning: Only use this technique when you are in a positive, loving state. It is NOT necessary to get the person to admit to lying, for the truth to become apparent. Controlling or manipulating the person is not the point. Don't use it for trivial lies, or loving untruths.
If you suspect someone is lying, you can ask them, with loving interest, to "tell me how that was" for them. Tell more details, and how it made them feel. One should only ask this question when NOT fully convinced the person is lying, and only if the reason you are asking is a kind one. It is a well-worn technique for finding out the truth, but done in kindness, it is a gift to the lie-teller. When it is done in true loving kindness, the untruth might be undone.
I don't want to use that term, "lie-teller" any more. I will substitute "Untruth-teller". A person doesn't always know when they are telling an untruth. And, the deepest part of every person never lies - it can't. If you pay attention to the deepest part of yourself and others, you will see only the truth about people.
In our as-currently-constructed everyday world, though, sometimes people believe they are lying. They try to lie. If you ask them for their own emotional reactions to the story they are telling, they are likely to be come aware of that intention. Some truth or other is likely to become apparent to both of you.
Warning: Only use this technique when you are in a positive, loving state. It is NOT necessary to get the person to admit to lying, for the truth to become apparent. Controlling or manipulating the person is not the point. Don't use it for trivial lies, or loving untruths.
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