Thursday, August 23, 2012

I Am Only Capable of Moving Backward

Currently, I am mostly only capable of moving backward.

Not backward in time or space. Not backward in development.

Backward as, "In a defensive position." Much of my existence is ruled by fear, and the specific fears sometimes form the basis for a panic attack. I have been panicky a lot more than most other people, it seems. (I do have a mild diagnosis of panic disorder with Mitral Valve Prolapse - for whatever that is worth.) I have plenty of the symptoms of PTSD - but don't most people you know?

This is to say, my claim yesterday ( New Life Has Begun) was not a claim that the person Linda is "enlightened."

It was more in the form of a declaration that I want God's will to flow through me. And I have seen that every single negative thought is simply a rejection of God's will. I am no longer confused about whether I need to express rejection of anything.

I may continue to have the various feelings I have called rejection for a while - but I no longer accept that concept as a definition.

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