Still Just Thinking to Myself

I am still just thinking to myself. I know a couple of friends are reading my posts, random and sporadic as they have been.

I have been bursting to express myself every day in writing. But only a short time ago did I start having the hope that I could write something useful. I know I have been writing some useful things the past week or so, because I have looked back at them. I WROTE them to be useful to me, should I look back at them. And they are.

So, that is how I know this is worth doing. Might as well publish them forever on a blog. That way, I am more likely to have access to them, where ever I go.

It's interesting to me, whether I can embarrass myself with my writing, even if I have committed to saying nothing bad about anyone or anything. A big point of this, is to have accountability to myself with what I say and do. If anyone points out where I am rejecting something, I can let go of it that much sooner. Ah, bliss...

I Am Only Capable of Moving Backward

Currently, I am mostly only capable of moving backward.

Not backward in time or space. Not backward in development.

Backward as, "In a defensive position." Much of my existence is ruled by fear, and the specific fears sometimes form the basis for a panic attack. I have been panicky a lot more than most other people, it seems. (I do have a mild diagnosis of panic disorder with Mitral Valve Prolapse - for whatever that is worth.) I have plenty of the symptoms of PTSD - but don't most people you know?

This is to say, my claim yesterday ( New Life Has Begun) was not a claim that the person Linda is "enlightened."

It was more in the form of a declaration that I want God's will to flow through me. And I have seen that every single negative thought is simply a rejection of God's will. I am no longer confused about whether I need to express rejection of anything.

I may continue to have the various feelings I have called rejection for a while - but I no longer accept that concept as a definition.

My New Life Has Begun

OK dears,

I think I am ready to start my new life. I have figured out the ultimate rule for me. I will not say anything negative, (aloud or to myself,) about anyone or anything. If I can't find something positive to think or say, I will think and say nothing. This give me the best of all possible worlds: the blessings of ALL the good things in life, plus absolute, blessed silence.

My new life has begun.